Marriage Proposal OPINION By Lori Christian   Maybe I should get married again. It makes perfect sense. Why didn’t I think of this earlier when I had a suitor or two who was interested? Oh well, now that I’m aware, perhaps I can be more alert to opportunities.      You see, this realization all came about one day when I was changing my sheets. You have to understand that I come from a period of time when I was taught not to waste anything—and I do mean anything, especially water. I digress. When it comes to the subject of marriage and men, if there is a man out there that could be wasted, I wouldn’t want to be guilty of being a party to his unfulfilled destiny.      Let’s face it, I’m a farmer’s daughter. This brings me back to what I was trying to say: one day not too long ago I was changing my sheets, as I said, when I noticed that only my side of the bed had wrinkles, as in, been used. Now, that made me realize that I only need one side of my bed, not the whole thing, for heaven’s sake. Think of the money I’d save. I could even buy my grandchildren Christmas gifts. God knows they are in dire need of more stuffed animals. I have to admit I kinda got carried away with the whole concept of only using half of what I have. My car, for instance, why do I need a whole car when I nearly always drive alone. I lied, it’s in fact, ALWAYS. Now my mind is expanding exponentially to include the size of my room, my house, for that matter; I don’t need all these dimensions. My washer, dryer, dishwasher, windows, rugs, tables and chairs; there you have it. I might be a multimillionaire by now if I hadn’t wasted so many of my resources on foolish purchases.      Holiday cards, for instance, why would I need to get a good-sized card that displayed what a happy, wonderful life I have with my perfect family? I don’t; there’s only me. I could send a postcard for half the price. I could even throw in a picture of my little, note I said, LITTLE, dog. There you go. Now we’re thinking clearly. I do appreciate the fan club. Take the dishes in my cupboard, please; or on the table; and God forbid, in my oversize china cabinet; who needs them? They get an especially loud ugh! And by the way, the light that shows off all that cut glass and sparkling wine glasses.      Definitely, I need to get married again. Now if I could only find a man I could get to ask me. Oh, yes, I’m too proper – my upbringing-- you see, to make the step myself. What would the neighbors think? What would I tell my kids?      Still, I really need to study my situation and do something about it. I’m totally a mess, I admit it. I waste too much time admiring, measuring, or judging other couples’ wedded bliss. As a matter of fact, I’ve become a real pain in the ass. I need to get a life. Better yet, a pair of lives—me and someone else to complement it.      I could start tomorrow – a new day—actually doing something about the lonely life I’ve endured far too long. But wait, I have to go put the sheets in the dryer. I have so much to do; maybe I’m too busy to get married again. Think of all the time I’d waste with the details. On second thought, perhaps I should wait ‘til next year. As my first husband always said, NEVER DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW. * * * * * If you'd like to comment or wrote to Lori, just click the following link: lori@alleghanyjournal.com

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